I was quite lonely

I admit, without shame, that until two days ago I was depressed. I missed home terribly, felt disconnected from this beautiful place that I am in, and quite simply wanted to go home.

Two days ago I hit my lowest point. A trifling sadness and home sickness dove into a full dreading of and contempt for the next eleven weeks of my life. When that low, and so far from home, there is little that is appealing...so I went for a run.

It's two and a half miles from my apartment to the Nagasaki Dejima Wharf. It took right right around 20 minutes to get there. When I finally arrived, my right knee was bloody, and my right shoulder was strained in supporting my right arm. I'd tripped at about a mile from home and collided with an unforgiving flight of stairs in front of a large bus station.

When I finally reached the wharf, the time was around 9:00pm, and the mountains surrounding the harbor had ceased to be hills at all and were nothing more than bodies of light. For a moment I was thoughtless. I had no ideas or plans. I had no regrets or anxieties. It seemed as though my only purpose, for a time, was to experience. Cool saltwater breeze rolled in from the sea of Japan and filled my lungs. Sounds of waves finding the pier met my ears. My eyes were trained on the dance of lights, flickering for the humidity in the air.

I cannot say I got tired of the view. It's difficult for me to believe that anyone could grow tired of such a thing. I did feel the need to go, however, and so I turned my back to the water and began my run home. Nothing was different. Nothing about my situation here had changed. All of the relationships I'd made and neglected to make still sat in the state I'd left them upon leaving my apartment. Still, though, I ran back happily.

There are times where sadness and depression will happen, and these dips are not avoidable. To choose to live in such a state, however, is entirely so. A desire to live in misery is commonplace among those that belong to the human race. I will not play at knowing why this is true, and while I do have an idea why, this is not relevant. What's relevant is the fact that the decision to be happy is just that. A decision. For this reason I do not give much sympathy, and expect little in return. No one should ever charge themselves with someone else's happiness, and no one should ever expect to be made happy by someone else. This is selfishness, laziness, and any happiness derived will be only temporary.

Happiness. It's a choice.