I was left to my own devices

I seldom sit still. To be subject to the agony of boredom is the worst of hells for me. I do not believe I have ever known what one would call a quiet mind. I always want to be doing something, whether this be swing dancing, boxing, working on my book, playing my bass guitar, or any number of other amusements.

To my dismay, however, I have found the anticipation of boredom to be a haunt of my mind. The idea that I may soon be without something to occupied by wracks my thoughts and paralyzes them. This fear will often drive me to physically stop all that I am doing, focus my eyes on a single point, and simply think. For my mind to be released from this trans, I must find a resolution to fear.

To find this resolution, I cycle through all of the possibilities, and I put together a mental picture of my solution. There is an irony here. I will for any length of time, gaining no new bit of piece or clarity. In truth, clarity only comes once my mental storm calms. This time spent spinning, however, often encompasses entire days. I will fade in and out of engagement with the world around me, and spend all of my time steeped in that which I was now fearing for my near future.

How many wasted days, I wonder? How many hours upon hours have I been with my mind in an untouchable future instead of the tangible present?

I wonder how unique I am in being vexed by the idea of an uncomfortable future? I wonder if I'm unique in having trouble trusting myself.

My point is simple and can be starkly stated. Quit worrying so much about the future. Do not squander your time simply pondering what the future could be. Invest your time in making your future what you want it to be. And enjoy the people along the way.

My apologies for a haphazardly assembled blog addition. These are simply my thoughts this evening.

I wish you all the best. :)

_Andrew