Writing the book of your own morality

-Please do not misunderstand - this is a work of reflection and comment. I am advocating believing how you want to believe, and doing right by yourself, but the very instant you attempt to act against others' rights of privacy, equality, safety, and mental well-being, you are simply in the wrong.-

-Also, I'm too tired to spell and grammar check, so if you run into a grammatical error, pretend you didn't-

I felt a lot of guilt in church, growing up. I was beset by the years upon years of Sunday services that I would have to attend in order to be a good enough Christian. I was fearful that God would know that I was not truly happy to be spending my Sunday's in service.

My mother is an educated woman. She got a master's degree in something to the effect of "biblical studies." This is a dangerous person who gets a master's degree for the hell of it, and this is an exponentially dangerous person when being informed that her son no longer identifies as a Christian. Many of my friends are Christians - and die hard ones at that. They, by and large, endeavor to be deeply moral people, and endeavor to avoid things of ilk of Satan and his many hurtful shenanigans. They still choose, however, to be friends with me, and accept my many less-than-above-board-shenanigans.

For a long time, I felt as though I was broken, somehow. I felt as though I was lacking a code - a creed spelled out by many generations before my own existence was even a thought. I was lacking the wisdom of centuries that those who abided by such schools of thought as Christianity, Judaism, or Islam. These people, with whom I was, and am, quite close, held guilt for doing things that I wouldn't lose a moment of sleep for, and I felt lesser for it. Consuming alcohol, having sex, choosing to return a rude service provided to me, etc. I felt guilt for all of these things, but only because I thought that it was necessary and proper to feel guilt for them. I wanted to appear pious, humble, convicted.

I've changed my mind. I am no longer driven by feelings of guilt, or a black and white morality. Living with a set of morals that doesn't grow and change with you, that is not dynamic as the human soul, is a cumbersome thing that does not work for me. I believe in a god, and I believe I may have been designed by him. I believe that, if this is the case, I have been equipped with the ability to write the book of my own morality. I know my values, and to preserve them is to do right by myself. I will draw on many creeds and many words spoken by people smarter than myself in the pursuit of a happier life, but above all else, my values must remain paramount.

I likely sound narcissistic, arrogant, myopic, and any other words you might think of to describe my current school of thought, but what I am arguing for myself is something I would argue that everyone do. Evaluate the rules you were raised by. Evaluate the Apostle's Creed, the Ten Commandments, the Shahada, the thirteen principles of faith. Juxtapose them with your values, and decide if you are doing right by yourself. Believe what you will believe, and let others enjoy the same liberty. Be willing to let yourself learn and move, and not stand stagnant.